tv Jimmy Kimmel Live ABC March 7, 2012 12:00am-1:05am PST
thanks to john berman for that and thank you for watching abc news. check in for "good morning america." they're working while you're sleeping. we're always online at abcnews.com. jimmy kimmel is up next, see you tomorrow. tonight on "jimmy kimmel live" -- >> if parents are concerned about their teens having sex, they should make their kids do what i did, which is play clarinet in the high school marching band. >> jessica alba. >> one time, i took my dad's ford probe to jack in the box. >> so, you were a really bad kid then. >> yeah, super bad. >> barney frank. and nathan myhrvold. >> it's like, i don't even know you anymore, man. >> "jimmy kimmel live," coming up next.
hello. and thank you for watching. thank you for coming out tonight. [ cheers and applause ] i am jimmy. you can call me james, if you want to be formal. today is ash wednesday. as some of you probably know. and it is also because god has a weird sense of humor, national margarita day today. that's a real dilemma for you, guillermo, right? do you get ashed or smashed? [ laughter ] what did you choose? did you go to church today? >> yeah. 12:00. >> jimmy: you did? >> yeah. >> jimmy: at 12:00. why don't you have ash on your forehead? >> because of the show. >> jimmy: guillermo usually gets it in his mustache, so it doesn't show up. if your co-workers had ash on their heads today, it means either they're catholic or they had too many margaritas and passed out in an ashtray. i usually will give something up for lent. but this year, instead of giving something up, i decided just to give up. do what you will with me. i surrender. we have a lot going on tonight. first of all, jessica alba is with us on the show. [ cheers and applause ] and we're going to cook tonight.
tonight, we're going to freeze a hamburger. then, fry it. then, freeze it again. then, fry it again. then, eat it with instructions -- for real, from the brilliant computer genius-turned-chef, nathan myhrvold. [ cheers and applause ] and tonight, uggie the dog is backstage to make oscar night predictions for us. uggie is the star of "the artist." the dog star. there he is. now, that's his best friend, brigitte. and brigitte plays stella on "modern family." so, we have very famous dogs here tonight. you weren't that excited when i came out. [ laughter ] and not only is brigitte here to support uggie here tonight. brigitte is also here to meet congressman barney frank. they have the same frown. [ laughter ] congressman barney frank is with us tonight. he's a very smart guy. [ cheers and applause ] and he's getting married soon, to another guy. usually congressmen only do that
sort of thing in secret. but he's doing it right out in the open. and if all that isn't enough for you, sitting in with the cletones tonight, the tower of power horns are here. [ cheers and applause ] wait one second. 40 years together. and i understand you guys are doing all justin bieber covers tonight? is that right? >> we'll do our best. >> jimmy: very good. they're going to be playing with us with cleto and the cletones all night long. speaking of great musicians who stand the test of time, there was a new episode of "american idol" tonight. tonight's episode was titled final judgment part one. if something is final, it shouldn't come in parts, right? [ laughter ] it should be -- i think we have the promo for that. maybe if we watch this we can figure it out. >> tonight on "american idol" -- the remaining karaoke singers stand in final judgment. some will ascend. while the pitchy -- get left behind. >> nothing can prepare them for sudden death.
>> when the world descends into chaos and infinite darkness, steven tyler and three female contestants must repopulate the planet. >> yeah, yeah. >> "american idol" final judgment, part one. >> you're going to hollywood. >> only on fox. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: it looks scary. that show's starting to look scary. there was a debate tonight between the remaining republican candidates for president tonight in mesa, arizona. the 26th debate, which is -- that's a lot of debates. if i argue with someone 26 times, we're probably going to break up. [ laughter ] a big topic amongst the candidates and the voters lately, has been electability. meaning, they're trying to figure out which one of them is most likely to beat barack obama in the general election, which, at this point is kind of like four nerds sitting around arguing about which one is most likely to have sex with megan fox. rick santorum is in the middle of another strange controversy.
someone dug up a speech that rick santorum gave during the 2008 election, when no one was paying much attention. in that speech, santorum said that he believes that satan has his sights set on america. and we need to be aware of that. apparently satan is still upset about the time he went down to georgia. [ laughter ] and lost that fiddle made of gold. it was his favorite fiddle. santorum said the satan comment was made in 2008 and isn't relevant to this campaign. i agree. i don't remember 2008. i think i was busy watching "marley & me" that year. i happen to know for a fact that satan does not have his sights set on america. he is very busy producing the show "dance moms." but it is kind of scary to imagine a guy who thinks satan is targeting us specifically, having control of the largest nuclear arsenal in the world. but he did say it. the truth, running for president is kind of like a job interview. the applicants come in. they pitch themselves to us.
and we decide which one gets the job. imagine mentioning satan in a job interview. i believe that would go something like this. >> so, rick, tell me a little about yourself. >> well, sir, i'm a graduate of penn state university. i have a b.a. in business administration. two years experience working in retail. very hard worker. and i believe that satan has his sights set on us. >> okay. well, it was very nice meeting you. >> also, i'm a people person. >> the door's right over there. if you could just leave. >> jimmy: you wouldn't get your parking validated after an interview like that, right? here's an issue we should care about. some parents are angry at the nonprofit group california family health council right now. they have what they call a condom access program on their website. it's a program that allows teenagers to order a free pack of condoms every month. this is from the website. apparently, you're supposed to put the condoms on your head? i don't know. i think i've been doing it wrong. but many parents are upset
because they think this encourages teens to have sex. if parents are concerned about their teens having sex, they should make their kids do what i did, which is play clarinet in the high school marching band. [ laughter ] there would be no sex whatsoever. [ cheers and applause ] nothing to cheer about. i don't understand the logic here, though. don't give teens access to condoms because it might encourage them to have sex. that's like banning helmets because it might encourage people to ride motorcycles. the fact of the matter is, you can get hookers online. you should be able to get condoms online, too. but i do like the idea. maybe i'm old-fashioned, of teenagers going into the drugstore to buy -- you know, buying a box of condoms in the store, it makes you feel like indiana jones stealing the idol in "raiders of the lost ark." you rush in. you snag it and get the hell out of there. it's a rite of passage. those of you in our studio audience know the neighborhood is abuzz with preparation for the oscars.
the oscar ceremony is four days away. if you're an elderly movie star there's time to make the in memoriam montage. the academy awards go on right across the street for us. and join us on sunday, for the seventh annual "jimmy kimmel live: after the academy awards" special. following your local news. our musical guest is coldplay. and our celebrity guest is oprah winfrey so that should be fun. [ cheers and applause ] >> nooooooo! >> jimmy: t-minus 95 hours, 45 minutes and counting. that means i only have four days to find my spirit and the perfect fitting bra. i'm excited to talk to oprah. >> no! >> jimmy: i'm sorry. is there a -- is there a problem? somebody? >> yeah. we got a problem, kimmel. it's like, i don't even know you anymore, man. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: adam carolla. [ cheers and applause ]
seriously. >> i'm done, man. i'm so done. i've just -- i'm done, jimmy. >> jimmy: it has nothing to do with you. >> i'm done, man. >> jimmy: i've grown. that's what happens, okay? >> i'm so done. >> jimmy: i know, you're done. >> i'm going to go find gayle. >> jimmy: you're friends with gayle now? >> talk to the hand, man. >> jimmy: all right. i guess i'm sleeping on the couch tonight. [ cheers and applause ] anyway. as i was saying before the hissy fit over here, there's a lot going on in hollywood. our friend yehya is outside. to update us on what's going on. it's time to look at what's going on with yehya. hello, yehya. >> hello, jimmy. >> jimmy: how is it going tonight? >> i'm at "jimmy kimmel live" tonight. i'm in hollywood. >> jimmy: you're on the show right now. >> okay. i'm talking to you. >> jimmy: yes, you are. >> you know i'm here behind me,
kodak, look behind me. the construction. >> jimmy: the kodak theater is behind you. >> the kodak theater behind me. look. the bridge. look. all black for maybe whitney houston. >> jimmy: the what? >> whitney houston. you make all black for her. god bless her. you know that's god bless her. and now, maybe everybody win oscar like zsa zsa gabor. >> jimmy: i don't know if zsa zsa is nominated this year, yehya. >> i don't know. maybe she celebrity too, i don't know. >> jimmy: she is a celebrity. yes. >> i hope she won. georgia clooney. i don't know his name. in a show or something like that. >> jimmy: yehya, tell us about the -- what's going on out there? where are they? is the red carpet down? are they ready? >> it's not ready. maybe behind me because the steel, concrete, the bridge. and steel everywhere. i don't know. it's like construction of airport. like maybe the plane come from new york to here. >> jimmy: okay. >> i don't know.
like big. you know, big construction. >> jimmy: yes. >> everything break up, break down, you know. i hope everybody won oscar. >> jimmy: thank you, yehya. >> thank you. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: even he's laughing over there, right? and one more thing, as i mentioned, the 84th annual academy awards air this sunday at 7:00 eastern, 4:00 pacific here on abc. we have a tradition on the show. every year, we find a remarkable animal and make them make oscar predictions. last year, it was heidi, the cross-eyed possum. this year, it's uggie. uggie is the dog from "the artist." and tonight uggie will predict a winner for best actress in a leading role. let's bring him out now. here he comes. uggie. [ cheers and applause ] uggie is up on his box.
and he's -- [ cheers and applause ] each one, depicting one of the five best actress nominees. michelle williams. "my week with marilyn." viola davis for "the help." quiet, ub ggie. meryl streep, for "the iron lady." rooney mara for "the girl with the dragon tattoo." and glenn close for "albert nobbs." and what we've done is we put a hot dog on top of each picture. whichever hot dog uggie eats first is the actress he thinks will win. okay? last night, he picked george clooney to win best actor. and tonight, who will he pick? are you ready, uggie? okay. pick away. here we go. it's time. where is -- oh. uggie has selected meryl streep. and viola davis. that dog is smart. [ applause ] all right. well, apparently, the fact that meryl streep once accused a dingo of eating her baby has not affected uggie's selection.
thanks, uggie. what is uggie doing? is that shame that's going on? [ laughter ] thank you, uggie. don't worry about it. you did good. you did well. [ cheers and applause ] we have a good show for you tonight. representative barney frank is here. chef/genius nathan myhrvold is here. [ cheers and applause ] we have music from the tower of power horns. and we'll be right back with jessica alba. so, stick around. [ cheers and applause ] man, i'm glad aflac pays cash.
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♪ inspired by 300 years of tradition. ketel one. gentlemen, this is vodka. drink responsibly. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: yeah. that is the tower of power horns sitting in with cleto and the cletones tonight. this is their live cd and dvd, "40th anniversary," is available now. you guys sound great. thanks. come every night. [ cheers and applause ] tonight on the program, a man who's been in the house of representatives longer than many of you have been alive. from massachusetts' fourth district, representative barney frank is here. [ cheers and applause ] an interesting guy. he was the chief technology officer at microsoft, who wrote
this unbelievable, six-volume, there's even a volume that doesn't fit in the box, called "modernist cuisine." nathan myhrvold is with us. we're going to make something unusual. tomorrow night, we'll be joined by joel mchale, justin theroux. and we'll have music from die antwoord. and then, on oscar sunday, do not forget to join us after your late local news for our seventh annual "jimmy kimmel live: after the acardmy awards" special. we have a lot planned. host billy crystal will be involved. george clooney, tom hanks, meryl streep, jennifer aniston, coldplay, and again, our guest will be oprah winfrey. [ cheers and applause ] i'll never get tired of saying that. i think it will be. i've been told it will be. if anybody can make baby wipes sexy, it's our first guest. you know her from movies and television. but her latest role is that of president and co-founder of her own eco-friendly infant item empire called the honest company. please say hello to jessica alba. [ cheers and applause ]
how are you? you look great. >> thank you. >> jimmy: how -- i mean, you had a baby not so long ago, right? >> right. she's 6 months old. >> jimmy: 6 months old. you must exercise? >> i did -- i did exercise. but now, i just -- i just run around. >> jimmy: chasing them? >> chasing one of them. carrying the other. >> jimmy: how old? 6 months old? >> 6 months old. and honor is 4 in june. >> jimmy: and is honor -- is she accepting of the fact that she now has another girl in the house to compete with? >> she's actually pretty good. she says things like, mommy, the baby is not allowed to play with pollys because she can choke on it. we can't let her have any of my polly pockets. and i'm like, that's right. she says, babies are not allowed
to have lollipops because she can choke on that too. and i'm like, that's right. as she's sucking on her lollipop. >> jimmy: do you find yourself doing and saying things that your parents did and said to you? >> i -- i did have that dreaded moment when my daughter decided any answer i gave her just wasn't a good one. but why, mommy? but why, mommy? but why, mommy? but why, mommy? because i said so. i was like, oh, god. i'm that mom. i'm my mom. >> jimmy: were your parents strict? >> they did use, because i said so. and they were not strict. >> jimmy: they were not strict? >> no. they were fun and cool. and laid back. and, like, a way better time than me. >> jimmy: were you well behaved throughout your childhood? >> i was. i was like, you know -- i got good grades. i was going to bible study all the time. >> jimmy: maybe that's what you should do. follow what they did, right? >> right? just be a little -- >> jimmy: were you bad at all? did you have any -- >> i wasn't bad.
i mean, i rebelled, i guess. >> jimmy: how did you rebel? >> i -- like, one time, when i was like 14 or 13 or something, i took my dad's ford probe to jack in the box. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: oh, my god. you're lucky to be alive. >> i took side streets. it was a car full of girls. >> jimmy: how old were you? >> we were bumping sublime the whole time. >> jimmy: what did you order when you got to the jack in the box? >> we were all vegetarians. and they said that the meat in the tacos were soy. so, we all got like the tacos, thinking that they were soy meat. >> jimmy: i see. >> but who knows? who knows? >> jimmy: yeah. >> as long as we got home before the parents got home. >> jimmy: so, you were a really bad kid then? >> super bad. >> jimmy: yeah. and now, you came up with an idea for these eco-friendly baby products. >> uh-huh. >> jimmy: and i come up with ideas all the time. they're mostly stupid. but how do you then parlay that
idea you had into an actual thing? >> really, it was a lot of hard work. first, i had this vision of i want to create. i want to create. i wish this company existed, really. i want a company that has -- there's one place that any family can go that has safe and healthy products that are cute and eco-friendly. and they're convenient to get. and affordable. >> jimmy: which is more important? cute or eco-friendly? >> well, obviously, eco-friendly. so, eco-friendly. and next in line that it actually works. a lot of things that are eco-friendly don't work. our stuff is the bomb. it totally works. >> jimmy: uh-huh. >> and then, it would be great if it was cute. so, it's cute. and it's affordable. and anyone can get it because you can get it online at honest.com. we're all of that. >> jimmy: you have all these products. >> laundry detergent. dish soap and diapers and wipes. >> jimmy: you have factories and stuff like that? >> we have our factories.
what i did is, i partnered up with people that are much smarter than me and much better at doing things than i am. and so, i partnered with brian lee. and he did a company called legal zoom and shoe-dazzle. and healthy child, healthy world. and shawn kates. >> jimmy: do you have children working in the factories? it seems like, if you really want the stuff to be good for kids, that's the way to do it, right? i'm going to guess you don't. [ laughter ] i have one of your -- this is your honest laundry detergent. i can't imagine getting a laundry detergent made. >> it's so cool. i went to the factory. and i sat on our pallet. >> jimmy: you have a pallet? >> we had a pallet of all of our products. it was the most surreal moment. >> jimmy: this is what? body oil? do babies need body oil? >> yeah. >> jimmy: so they can look sexy? >> no. it's like a bonding thing, when you give your baby a massage after bath time. >> jimmy: my mother never gave
me a massage after bathtime. and we have products that you actually, what, you rejected? >> we go through a lot of testing. >> jimmy: tell us what this is. it looks eco-friendly. this is the honest salad swaddle. this is what -- you wrap babies in this? >> yeah, no. that one didn't make the cut. >> jimmy: this one didn't work? it seems like a winner to me. all right. what is this? this is -- oh. this is something. this is kelp mobile. let's see what we have here. oh, this looks great. [ laughter ] it goes over the baby's -- this got rejected? >> it didn't make the cut, that one. >> jimmy: it's so fragrant. >> i know. the seaweed thing. >> jimmy: jones beach. this is a nice thing. this is a gluten-free baby rattle. [ laughter ] >> it was a bit of a choking hazard. >> jimmy: it was? okay. finally, we have -- now, somebody's got to get this going. edible diapers.
look, there you are. [ laughter ] [ applause ] i'm surprised you weren't happy with that. >> you never know. >> jimmy: there we go. >> in a bind. >> jimmy: now, it smells in here. it smells like jones beach in here all of a sudden. >> especially the diapers. >> jimmy: congratulations. that's something else, that really is, to be able to do something like that. [ cheers and applause ] i want my own empire. do you have an office and everything? >> i have an office. i go to an office. >> jimmy: do you have business cards? >> i have business -- shoot. i was going to show you my business card. i have a real business card. >> jimmy: i believe you. you've got your own detergent. the business card, i'm not so impressed with. the detergent, i'm impressed. people go to honest.com to get this stuff. jessica alba. the honest company products are available online. we'll be right back with congressman barney frank. [ cheers and applause ] ♪
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he is a 31-year veteran of the house of representatives and ranking democrat on the financial services committee. what he's doing here, i have no idea. but i'm happy he's here. please say hello to the gentleman from massachusetts, congressman barney frank. [ cheers and applause ] it's very nice to meet you. thank you for coming. >> well, thanks for inviting me. >> jimmy: after three decades, you've decided to retire from the house. why are you retiring? >> there were a lot of reasons. but i mostly don't want to do it anymore. [ laughter ] i've been -- i started politically in 1967, just out of graduate school, for a man who became mayor of boston. it's been 45 years. and i want to be just in charge of myself. not have to be accountable to
500,000 or 700,000 or whatever -- >> jimmy: it is stressful. it can be abusive even. really, like people -- everyone thinks you work for them. and you do work for them in a way. >> you do work for them. but if you have enough bosses, you don't have any because no one person is in charge. but there have been some problems. but things have gotten angrier. the media has gotten more and more negative. the new rule is, if you don't have anything bad to say, don't go to print. >> jimmy: uh-huh. >> so, as i -- i am still interested in the issues. but in an interesting way, i think i'll probably have more impact on some of the issues after i've retired from elected office because people are cynical about politicians. >> jimmy: that is true. >> i'll be saying a year from now, the same things i'm saying right now. but people might be less willing to discount them, oh, you're just running for office. >> jimmy: or they might not. what do you think you will miss least about being a congressman? >> no question. fund-raising. >> jimmy: fund-raising.
>> yeah. we have a system in america that's unlike any other. and the u.s. supreme court has made it worse. there's a view that says you can't have a democracy unless people can give as much money as they want to candidates. if that's true, we should be supremely proud, america. if that's the case, we're the only democracy in the history of the world. most other places put some limits on the money. and you have to be constantly asking people for money. it takes time. i have to say, being nice to people i'm not crazy about is not my -- [ laughter ] that's not my default position. and you know, there are limits. but it's hard to be rude to people you're asking for money. >> jimmy: sure. you probably won't get it. >> look, i try very hard. people give you money. and then i vote. and you try hard not to have it influence you. if you think about it, in the normal human situation, if people give you money and then you do exactly what they don't want, that's not a nice thing. >> jimmy: yeah. >> i mean, you go into a store
and you say, here's the money. and they say, you can't have anything. i'm not selling you anything. so, we're the only people, elected officials, who, by the system, are supposed to take money from strangers, and have it have no influence on our behavior. you know, being -- practicing being ungrateful takes a little out of you. >> jimmy: it doesn't jive with human nature. it really doesn't. >> it doesn't. and the other problem i have is, that -- for reasons i don't fully understand. not everyone loves me. [ laughter ] so, when i am a candidate -- particularly after i did the financial reform and the banks and hedge funds and others weren't happy to be regulated. so, the last time i ran, i think i'm one of the best fund-raisers in america. when i ran last time, i raised millions of dollars for myself. but i also raised millions of dollars for my opponent, from the people that hated me. it gets a little on your nerves.
>> jimmy: i noticed you're wearing a wedding ring. and it's black. why is your wedding ring black. >> my husband-to-be, jim -- >> jimmy: is black? >> no. he's a welder. >> jimmy: he's a welder? >> among other things. he's in the awning business. >> jimmy: jim is here right now. you're a welder? you made that? >> it reminds him of -- i live as an elected official in a world that's got some reality to it. but occasionally floats away from what would be real-world. and this is a reminder that jim thought of for both of us, of the real world of welding and putting up awnings. that he lives in. >> jimmy: jim, you're not involved in politics or any of this stuff. you're really doing work. no offense. [ laughter ] and how did you guys meet? >> we met at a fund-raiser. >> jimmy: well. >> but it wasn't for me. it was a fund-raiser in the state of maine, where jim lives, to support a gay rights referendum. >> jimmy: i see. okay. >> because we had this radical notion that you shouldn't be fired because you were gay.
if you got a job pumping gas, the fact that you were going to go out with another guy the next night, shouldn't mean you could get fired. that was very controversial at the time. there was a referendum on it. i went up to raise money for the referendum. >> jimmy: do you feel that things are moving in a positive direction, as far as that goes? >> without question. >> jimmy: you do? >> i started out when i first started out, i was afraid to acknowledge being gay. and now, jim and i can get married. i'm a sitting member of congress. it hasn't been an obstacle. frankly, it's generational. you mentioned that there are people here who weren't born when i started my career. or when they started their career. i'm glad to be here with contemporaries, with the guys in the music section. >> jimmy: may i ask you what the age difference is between you and jim? >> yes. 30 years. >> jimmy: you dirty dog. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> he's young. >> jimmy: are you involved in planning the wedding? >> it's 50/50.
>> jimmy: will there be republicans at the wedding? >> actually, there will. there will be. one of the leading republicans -- what i've got among my colleagues, members of congress, they have been inviting themselves. >> jimmy: oh, i see, okay. >> i'm coming. one of the republicans said, his wife wanted to know if they were invited. i said, yes, they were. he came back and said, i told my wife. and she said she was embarrassed because it sounded like he was inviting them. so, jim's going to call them to reassure her. >> jimmy: okay, yes, that's your job. that's what you have to do. are any of the people you are inviting against same-sex marriage? >> well, one of them is. but i would -- i'll make an exception. we work together. we have this rule in -- in congress or any body. if you're in a legislative body, look, people elect me. other people elect other people, for reasons i don't always understand. i've got to work with them. i'm not in charge of who those other people are. we have this rule, you don't take things personally. you can have disagreements.
but i make an exception to that. i take personal things personally. >> jimmy: right. >> if people are going to be bigoted. there will be no bigots at the wedding. >> jimmy: no bigots at the wedding. okay, that's good. unlike most weddings. [ cheers and applause ] well, congratulations. i'm glad. i hope you get a chance to enjoy yourself a little bit. what will you do afterwards? what's the plan? >> first of all, i'm not going to be a lobbyist. >> jimmy: good. >> i'm not going to be a historian either, like newt gingrich. and i'm not going to be involved -- i'll be speaking. it turns out people pay you money to give speeches. >> jimmy: yeah. >> right now, in my job, i probably give eight or ten speeches a week for nothing. i'll go back to giving one a week for a lot more money. >> jimmy: that will be good. >> that's a much better deal. >> jimmy: that's very smart. who do you most, of the republican field, the four candidates that we see, hope faces president obama? >> well, i think -- i would like to see us run against rick santorum. >> jimmy: rick santorum.
>> i am willing to say this. i think we can beat rick santorum, even if the devil stays out of it. even if the devil -- >> jimmy: he will not be invited to the wedding, i'm guessing? >> no. i think -- but i hesitate to say that because if i were a republican primary voter, i would, of course, be inclined to do the opposite of what i -- i have been for gingrich. again, i want us to win. and i think they are both inherently implausible. but i think at this point, frankly, the president is in good shape. the economy's starting to turn around. and i think -- i heard the monologue. i don't think any of the winners of this republican mud fight are going to give the president a -- are going to defeat the president. >> jimmy: it's terrific to meet you. thank you for coming. congratulations. and barney frank, everyone. be right back with nathan myhrvold. [ cheers and applause ]
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[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our next guest is an extraordinarily gifted man. a computer genius, physicist, inventor, philanthropist, helicopter pilot and classically-trained chef. you're like jennifer lopez. you do it all. >> exactly. >> jimmy: his massive, six-volume cookbook set is called "modernist cuisine." please welcome nathan myhrvold. [ cheers and applause ] how heavy is that? >> over 60 pounds. >> jimmy: was the idea to publish something you couldn't possibly shoplift? >> that was it. >> jimmy: for people who like to
cook this is the holy grail of cookbooks. you break things down so scientifically. how long did it take you to put this together? >> five years. >> jimmy: five years to put it together. >> i thought it would be 300 pages. i can't estimate worth a damn. >> jimmy: you were the chief technology officer at microsoft, which is impressive to start with. how did you get involved with cooking? >> i always loved cooking. when i was 9 years old, i told my mother i was cooking thanksgiving dinner. i wouldn't let her in the kitchen. i cooked it. the house survived. it could have been better. >> jimmy: made the turkey and everything? >> absolutely. >> jimmy: how do you figure out how to cook thanksgiving dinner when you're 9? >> i went to the library and checked out cookbooks. >> jimmy: where homeless people go on the internet. >> there was a time before then. books. >> jimmy: fascinating. i know you're interested in all sorts of things. let's do this first. >> we're going to make the ultimate hamburger. >> jimmy: great. >> of course, you always start the ultimate hamburger with liquid nitrogen. >> jimmy: of course. >> here's our liquid nitrogen. put these on. >> jimmy: you don't need them?
>> i'm a professional. >> jimmy: i'm not going to use them either, then. you're not going to humiliate me on my own show. where do you get this, by the way? >> oh, you know, back in the back alley. you know a guy. >> jimmy: you can't buy this, can you? >> you can. >> jimmy: uh-huh. >> it gets delivered to my house. the guy says, you know, i don't deliver to many houses. >> jimmy: i would think you would get on a no-fly list. if you ordered something like this. >> this is 321 degrees below zero. so, you must never do that. you really should never, ever do this. >> jimmy: why are you doing it? >> i want to see if you're a man. >> jimmy: no, i'm not. no. >> okay. we established something here. >> jimmy: okay, good, all right. >> we have cooked some hamburgers. >> jimmy: that's for people who don't know. this is not that hot. but pretty hot. >> this is 132 degrees, roughly. >> jimmy: how long did you cook this beef? >> 25 minutes. to hold it for a longer period of time. that's perfectly medium rare.
but it looks gray and yucky. you wouldn't want to eat a burger like that. >> jimmy: right. >> we want to make the outside super crisp. but we don't want to have gray meat. we want to have it medium rare or crisp and nothing in the middle. pick up the burger. this one here. >> jimmy: that one, all right. >> hold those two. we're going to lower in the liquid nitrogen. >> jimmy: okay. >> now, it's really cold. >> jimmy: okay. >> and we're going to do that for a minute. what's that doing, that's going to make the outside of the burger really cold and freeze maybe a millimeter worth in. it will make the rest of it quite cold. the center is still going to be warm because it takes a while for the stuff to come through. it's only a minute. >> jimmy: do they do this at restaurants at all? >> no. >> jimmy: they do not? does anyone do this besides you? >> a fascinating question. >> jimmy: you have a dinosaur in your house, dinosaur bones, right? >> t-rex. >> jimmy: a full t-rex skeleton in your house. >> i wouldn't make that up. >> jimmy: how would you prepare
a t-rex? what would you do? >> you run. >> jimmy: that must scare the hell out of the fedex guy when he comes by, right? >> it's a hell of a sight. so obviously what -- this is only going to make it cold. it's not going to actually make it brown and crispy. we have hot oil here. which is about 350 to 370 degrees. almost 700 degrees temperature difference between here and here. >> jimmy: this is like getting out of the hot tub and jumping into -- >> we're ready now. now, lift it out of here. we're going to immerse it in here. >> jimmy: do i release it? >> no, don't release it. just lower it in. >> jimmy: how long does it have to be in here? >> we're going to put this in here for a minute. >> jimmy: okay, another minute, all right. where did you get the t-rex, by the way? >> it turns out this is a market where demand is the issue, not supply. >> jimmy: i see. you go hunting for dinosaurs? >> i found the t-rex myself. >> jimmy: you did? where? >> in montana, in the ground.
>> jimmy: in the ground? how did you know it was down there? >> well, i go out with paleontologists and we go out looking for dinosaur bones, there's an exhibition we run. i found a site. you see bones coming out of the hill, you look more closely. oh my god. there was a tooth. a t-rex tooth is about the size of a banana, almost as thick, has like a stick outside, when you see this there's only one thing it could be. >> jimmy: t-rex. then you start digging? you use a toothbrush to clean the stuff? >> some of us use a toothbrush or jackhammer depending. >> whoa, something bad's happening. that's another minute. >> lift it out of here. now we have prepared -- >> what's that, cheese? >> we have a cheeseburger here. >> jimmy: we make our own cheese when we do this normally. this is just regular cheese. >> you have goats? >> jimmy: i don't milk them.
>> you don't, okay. >> jimmy: so the key deal here -- do you ever use fire? >> sure, we use fire. only when it's in a really dangerous situation. >> jimmy: now after you put it in negative 300 degrees -- >> so, if you look here, it's actually quite -- >> jimmy: wow. >> medium-rare. >> jimmy: hold that up to the camera there. we can see. it's still pink. >> it will actually -- it will get more red the next few minutes. when you cook it savid, there's no oxygen in there. the oxygen in the atmosphere is going to make this substantially more red over the course of the next few minutes. >> jimmy: i see, okay. this is not something for like grandma, right? >> probably not this part. about half the recipes in the books someone could cook at home. and another 25%, if you went and got the equipment -- >> jimmy: it's just you showing off? >> and the last ones, good luck to you. >> jimmy: all right. good. >> want a bite of burger? >> jimmy: i do want to taste it. i'd love to see.
guillermo, come up here for a second. i want to see what you think of this, too. i want to get the mexican perspective. >> there you go. >> jimmy: it's cold. we need to throw it in there. but it does taste good. wow. and the meat, it's very strange, the consistency of the meat, it's so smooth. it's like biting into a baloney or something like that. mm. and i have to tell you, this book is -- these books, i'm eating with my mouth full. can i put this in here and see what happens? >> go ahead. >> jimmy: okay. >> pretty much what you would expect. >> jimmy: if you're seriously into cooking or building your own dinosaur, these are the cookbooks for you. it's called "modernist cuisine." oh. >> there's one other dish. we asked your staff what they would like to see most. >> jimmy: all right. oh, what is this? >> so, we prepared this. and what they said is, jimmy's head on a platter. >> jimmy: what is that? >> this is an omelet. >> jimmy: that is my head.
>> we have used a laser etching machine. >> jimmy: you did? >> we actually -- we've got a clip here, if we want to play the clip, we can show. >> jimmy: we do? >> how we actually did this. there's the laser machine. and high-speed lasers. >> jimmy: you have this in your kitchen? >> yes. [ laughter ] don't you? >> jimmy: no. but i will soon, believe me. wow. that is my head on an omelet. [ cheers and applause ] >> so, there you go. >> jimmy: guillermo, you want to eat my head? try a little bit of my head. take a little. does it taste good? or is it poison now that my head's been on it? >> i take no responsibility. >> jimmy: we'll find out in a second. wow. look at the consistency of those eggs. they look like pancakes or blintzes or something. >> it's the way we make an omelet. and? >> i like it. >> okay. >> jimmy: thank you very much. nathan myhrvold. his books are called "modernist cuisine." they're available now. we'll be right back. [ cheers and applause ]mmmmmmmmm